I can see the Future and it doesn't look like what I am expecting. I think I am working in the wrong direction.

So somethings have changed since I been here last. First thing first my love life is finally stable. My now fiance and I are solid about our relationship. It makes things a lot easier to move forward in the future. 

SO today I took my #5 to the dermatologist and I was told that our normal provider had left the practice. So me being myself I asked "where did she go and why?" They told me that she is pregnant with her 4th baby, she homeschools her older 3 kiddos and so she and her husband decided that she would stay home. She left her job as a dermatologist to be a stay at home homeschooling mom  of 4. SO I asked, what does her husband do? he is a physical therapist, they said. That was even more admirable to me. Only because I know financially they are gonna take quite the hit but it seems like being a mom was much more important. You just don't see that anymore...

I bet your wondering why do I feel like I am working in the wrong direction. Well I have recently decided to go to school to become an RN. I also am still in the process of fulfilling a calling that I believe God has called me to do. That is midwifery :) It is really in my soul to be a midwife. I think about it everyday. So I decided to go to school to be an RN since at this moment midwifery is illegal in the state in which i live. I am hoping that the first two years of midwifery school and the the classes it takes to get my ADN are very close. Then I should be able to work as a L&D nurse wile I get my higher degrees in both Nursing and Midwifery. As time gets close things will start to look more clearer.

One very important fact is that I have vowed to have children until God sees fit for me too. My fiance and I are ok with adding to our very eclectic bunch of kiddos. We will do nothing to prevent having children at this stage in our life. 

I don't want to have children and then leave them to work. I understand that there are lots of in between places that could prove to help out financially when we have more babies. 

So am I working in the wrong direction? I gonna get all this schooling and degrees only to stay home with my babies?? 

well...what's next!

Today I had to reluctantly drop all of my classes. I realized that school starts in just a few days, and I was no where near prepared to go. I have not found a reliable baby sitter and the classes I needed only one is offered online, but my lack of transportation at the moment, is keeping me form going to get books and school supplies for the classes I need as well as keeping me from attending.

I do have someone in mind that may keep my son but the fact of the matter is that I am not ready for him to be without me. I have not pumped enough milk to sustain him away from me all day long twice a week, and he needs to gradually be introduced to something different not one day i drop him off with a bottle of foreign liquid. He doesn't know the people I am would be dropping him with and quite honestly I don't know them all that well either. It was my hope to maybe spend some time with them and see how they interact with my son, but again my lack of transportation put a end to that thinking.

SO what is next? I am not sure but I do know there is a doula class coming up next month, and I hope to take that at least that is in the way that I am going. Maybe I will meet some people there that may have some good ideas for me.

Well lots of prayers, and confidence and no stagnation or dormancy that is definitely what is next! Got to keep my spirits up!

slow motion

So things have not gone as planned but there is progress. I am walking just about everyday. I applied to the college that offers me the biology class I need to get into Midwifery school in the spring. I sent in all the info they asked for, I am very hopeful to get accepted but I must be honest, I don't think I make their requirements.

Something else amazing has happened though since we last spoke. I believe God has shown me that he wants me to dedicate my life to serve the people who has a need that is greater than my own. This desire supersedes any other desire that I have including midwifery. It is very annoying to me that I have no idea what steps to take or who to contact to start to become a missionary, and I also want to take my kids along. I want to remove them from traditional public school and allow the world to be their teacher through travel and making friends all over the earth. I used to feel bad about moving all the time but now I don't. It is society that wants me to settle down and get a good job and fill my kids bodies with McDonalds and buger king, and fill their minds with sex through music and television. I wont be your victim anymore society, you are a crazy breed!


If someone walks pass this post and knows of a mission organization that will be suitable for me and my children, than please do not hesitate to leave a comment detailing the organization and it's contact info ie email address and url.


Until next time

I'm just getting started

Yesterday i decided to take a picture of myself to document where I am physically. I decided against checking my weight because I believe there is too much focus on the number. People feel as if the number defines them. I am not gonna allow that to be the case for me. I think we all need to be healthy and that goal can be achieved at many different numbers. So let's just leave it at that.

My brother offered to purchase this 20 day cleanse for me. I am so tempted! I know it will be hard but I think I need it, I am starting to get all kinds of minor things like yeast infections, colds, itchy skin, etc. Those things are sometimes what happens when there is toxicity in you body. You can fix that by cleaning yourself out and by eating healthier and thinking healthier! Let's go get em! :)

Now in terms of Midwifery where am I today?? Well I have decided on a school, and I have begun to make steps towards being accepted in that school. One thing I need is a Anatomy class. I tired to enroll in my local community college to get that class, but I needed 2 pre requisites first. This was upsetting to me because it is a minor obstacle but if I listen to them it would put me off my goal to start by one year. I can not let that stop me. I tried to get an override for that class and the teacher denied me. So i am looking at another college in my area and I applied. They have the class and it does not have any pre requisites. I still have to get them my high school and previous colleges transcripts before they determine if they can accept me.

It is a Christian college and I think it will be a good experience. I fell like the classes will be smaller and the approach to learning will be more wholesome. I am praying that I can not only get that class but get an A in the class, and really be able to apply it to me and my newly found profession.

You know I could just find a midwife and train under her, but there is something about having to work hard to get to where you need to be. It is much more rewarding and much more of a true preparation. Plus working under a midwife would lead me to her limitations. I would probably share her weaknesses. I am sure I will have some as well as I already do but I would like them to be true and unique to me and not because I am a carbon copy to someone else. Does that make any sense?

So here are my goals for next week:
1. Order my transcripts and have them sent to the new college(midwifery goal)

2. Pick up a book about Midwifery and start reading a little at a time( midwifery goal)

3. Drink half gallon of water a day(weight loss goal)

4. eliminate sweets(weight loss goal)

5.exercise at least 30 min a day( weight loss goal)

Be back next week to let you know how I am doing!